I am not a number person. Blame it on my hate for Math and any other math-related school subject, but numbers and I just do not get along. I always let someone else figure out the tip, always pass off the score envelope on Rummy 500 when the adding has to be done (because everyone else uses old mail envelopes for score keeping – right?) and 2 semesters ago was the hardest school semester of my life due to my statistics class. Why the number talk you ask? Well, yesterday I read a great post about calorie counting and it really got my mind going (love, love when a blog post does that, fyi) about my own relationship with calories and numbers.
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I am sure like many other people out there, calorie counting and I go waaaaay back. When I first started on my weight loss journey I was completely clueless as to what a calorie even was. I never gave a thought as to what I was put inside my body, and thankfully not because all I ate back then was garbage. Salad, to me as a teenager, was two pieces of lettuce and half a bottle of salad dressing. I had no concept of what was healthy and what wasn’t, which is partly the reason I turned to so many fad diets.
I think the first diet I started was the Slim Fast diet; the one with the shakes that taste like chalk. I have said before that I have tried them from Atkins to South Beach to the Caffeine & Nicotine diet (similar to the ‘Red Bull Diet‘ except with the addition of nicotine) and of course had no success. I would “diet” for a bit and then lose steam and end up giving up and eating 2 boxes of Kraft Mac & Cheese. The cycle just kept going – and a vicious cycle it was. I would fail at whatever ‘diet’ I was on that week and then feel guilty and bad for failing, overeat and eat junk for 3 days, then feel guilty because of the overeating and try another diet plan.
It was these times that I first began to count calories. At first, I was counting calories to go along with the crazy diets I was but the ‘diets’ stopped and I was counting calories so I wouldn’t go over a certain number on a specific day (usually 1500). Towards the end of my actual ‘diet’ phase, it was more about the calories in/calories out. It was a constant number game, and on some days my “calorie count” could make or break me.
Even though I had lost almost 75+ pounds with all my crazy dieting, I still was just as unhealthy as when I had began .. except I was struggling mentally and emotionally. I was beat and realized that I couldn’t continue on the path that I was on because I was just making myself crazy. So, I needed to change. I needed a way of life not another f-ing diet. I began to learn more about healthy eating and living and through blogs, books, and some classes at school. I learned about what a calorie really was (fuel) and began to re-examine the food groups and macros.
Although my fad dieting is long behind me, there is still one habit that I have not been able to give up: calorie counting. It is almost like it is ingrained in my head; it is automatic. Although before I kept a food journal, now it is a mental log so at the at the end of the day I know where I stand.
I have thought about really trying to rid my life of the habit, but realize that it does provide me with some piece of mind. As someone who can emotionally eat, calorie counting does keep my mind from going crazy. I also use calorie counting for the opposite reason too. I count calories to make sure I have eaten enough energy for any given day. After all, it is calorie counting that allowed me to account for my unintentional weight loss last year. Calorie counting is a double-edged sword for me – although it does provide me some comfort, I also don’t like that is a behavior (just a personal opinion).
For now, it goes in ‘working on myself’ category and only the future will tell where this habit ends up…
-Amy
Q. Do you count calories? Have you ever?
Love 4 Living 